Between and beyond

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“The greatest reader is the one that reads between the lines”

So my sister and I were pooling music into the car stereo the other day, and an Ed Sheeran song popped up. I immediately changed it, leaping from the backseat. Her puzzled expression morphed into an amalgamation of shock and disappointment when I let out a relieved “Phew, that was close! thank god the lyric didn’t start”.  I swear I heard her heart break when I said it out loud: “I don’t like Ed Sheeran”. I felt like I owed her an explanation, so I tried my best: “He hits me too much in the feels, and his music is so damn good that it strikes this weird chord in me and it screws me up big time, I need more emotional integrity to listen to him”.

She walked out!

How could I have possibly explained the sequence of events that takes place in my head, when I listen to him strumming his guitar like some evil, dark, beautiful angel who says things like “Her face crumbles like pastry” ? I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand if I tell them that a mere three seconds of Sheeran makes my throat tighten and yearn for something that I didn’t know existed in this world. Throw in an imaginary quaint wooden countryside villa which reeks of bittersweet, unsaid things (I don’t know who designed my subconscious) into the picture and I’ve got myself a sleepless night. I honestly cannot imagine saying this out loud.

Nor can I fathom telling people “I feel like there is a giant emotional vortex that connects every soul that goes through pain, irrespective of physical boundaries. So, when she gets hurt and accepts it as a part of the love she feels, I lose balance and my heart goes for a toss into the vortex”, when I listen to Cherry wine by Hozier.

Now dear people, this thought process happens for a fraction of a minute inside one average human brain. Can you begin to comprehend the amount of complexity behind every human being who chooses to think about their feelings instead of dismissing them? This question gnawed me for days till I gave in. From that precise instant, I’ve been trying to form thought-subtitles when I look at people being lost in thought.

The results were something that permanently changed a part of who I am.

I used to scoff when people said “Don’t judge others”. I mean, how could you carry on with life if you don’t decide how you are going to think about a person? But now, every visible emotion seems to be a millimetre of the tip of a mammoth iceberg. Deciding who a person is based on mere crude observation seems beyond absurd.

The weight of this particular statement has now crushed and remould my views on people. I suddenly seem to be shrinking into an insignificant atom in a sea of human brainworks. All this has (of course) resulted in establishing a certain motive that made me attempt yet another translation of thoughts into words. And, make other human beings read it. 

Maybe I will gain the maturity to finally listen to Sheeran. Hopes and cheers.  

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